Waltzing Me

Money; it's a crime.

2011-01-09T05:10:00.004-06:00

Sorry about the long-time no talk. I'm in Paris now, my second stop on the Grand Tour. I've learned about twelve words of French (Bonjour, Merci, and to count to ten), but it's wonderful. I won't slap three months of updates here at once, but here's a rundown of my last week, via journal entries:

1:15PM CST - 3 Jan 2011 - Dallas-Fort Worth Airport

I call my mother from the airport to say goodbye, and she reminds me why I'm leaving. I never thought this day would come, but I have a boarding pass tucked into my backpack, and my brand-new wool coat shoved into the crack in the airport chair. I suppose the Skylink train finally made it real, the frizzy redhead hanging on the pole opposite, smiling indulgingly. "Never done this before?" she asked, and I said I was from a small town; not exactly true, but close enough. The flight to Germany will gain me seven hours; the flight back, I'll actually go back in time. Negative time. Also, screw the world. I like Nickelback. Their songs are sexy.

Kathryn

5:39 vorm. GMT+1 - 4 Januar 2011 - Aboard the plane

Highlights from the flight from DFW -> FRA (to conclude in 1.25St.):

*Watched Life As We Know It

*Also part of Sherlock, before falling asleep

*Awoke with a massive Kopfschmerzen

*Ultimately, made use of the lovely motion sickness bag AA provided.

*Now feeling much better and ready for a day of frolicking in Frankfurt. Jet lag is a real thing, though. This time-difference nonsense is going to screw me up. I slept a bit, but I think I'm still a bit puny. Ah well. Germany!

Kathryn<3

MISSION PLAN

1. Blastoff

2. Check off Blastoff

3. See some sights.

4. Tell everyone about it

5. Find out how trains work

6. Speak only German in public

7. Call E

8. Take > or = 1 photo each day.

03:47AM GMT +1 - 7 Jan 2011 - Frankfurt, DE

I don't know how "travel writers" do it. Traveling at all, at least if you want to see/talk with the locals, is exhausting. It takes so much time to simply befriend them that the idea of writing about the experience seems ridiculous to me. Then again, I haven't been completely immersing myself in the culture here in Frankfurt (tomorrow in Paris!). I spent 2 hours or more today online (there goes 4EUR) talking with folks, posting on FB, Gmail chatting with E. I really missed that, and it was great to get in touch with everybody. My bag is packed for tomorrow, but I have paper, so I will note my budget: $1000 became 675EUR, which isn't great, but okay, so my stashed $2800 is now $1800. Also, 4 spent ich nie (ich denke), 5 habe ich 15EUR gegebt, und heute 16EUR, ich denke. In summary: 4EUR - 2 sandwiches. .5EUR - Postkarten | 4EUR Fahrkarte | 10EUR Reservierung | 3EUR Grocerie | 4EUR Kugelschreiben | 5.5EUR Geld Exchange. The Reisegeld exchange was more, but I don't want to think about that.

Karottensaft ht honig in den, und I've eaten 4 sandwiches, 3 clementines, lots of tea, some terrible soup, and Karrotensaft since I've arrived. A bit frightening if one thinks too much, but I try not to. I have four clementines left, and maybe I will get a sandwich morgens, so that should do me 'til 1PM, when I arrive in France. In Frankfurt Brezeln, Kaffee, und Sandwiches sind wenigerest, but I'm sure it will be something else in Paris (or perhaps nie, if the rumors are true). So far I've tried to stick to a 20EUR pro Tage budget, since that works quite well, but I don't know how Paris will fit into that. Still, supermarkets should be good, no? One-hundred thirty-seven days until E. I miss him terribly, but Gmail chat and phone are saving us. The time in Stilly/Fayette has slightly prepared us for this, but I wonder how I will feel around the three-week point. That is usually when I break down...Still, it is good to know that we both still care, and to be able to talk often. I will hate school. <3>

Kathryn M. S.

09:25AM GMT+1 - 7 Januar 2011 - On ICE Zug 9556 nach Paris

I don't know what to write here. Three days in Frankfurt, and it feels like both no time and a lifetime. Two weeks here, I think I would think of myself as a Frankfurter (ha!) but that is partly the language. In Paris, I wonder if I will be more out of my depth because I do not speak the language, or less, because I can use English more. Then again, I don't speak German. I learned that in Frankfurt. My understanding is okay - 1/2 or 2/3 of a conversational vocabulary, but my ability to actually articulate a though, especially an intelligent thought, is severely limited or nonexistent. Still, although I visited no museums and traveled within the city almost none, I did have an enjoyable - and yes, educational - experience in Frankfurt. It was a landing place, a learning experience. training wheels, but it is a valuable visit in its own right. Their sandwiches are awesome, at least. I'm really glad the motion sickness that manifested itself on the plane and my first day in Frankfurt is done with. This train ride, and my trip in general, would be pretty horrible if not. While I am in Paris I think E will start classes again. Which means we will only be able to talk at specifically defined times (8PM or so, I think) in my evening, or, if he is awake late, my early morning. That'll really suck. No more calling him at 4AM, because at 11AM he'll be in class. I know he can call afterward, but that might be an hour, and usually by then my problem has run away again, and the moment of needing him is gone. Hoffenlich werden wir in Paris Skype haben. E's headed back to Tulsa sometime today, so he'll have access to the netbook, and therefore Skype. <3

12:13 GMT +1 - 7 Jan 2011 - TGV nach Paris

Should be there soon. Everyone on this train is coughing, and it drives me nuts. Really have no interest in getting sick. There is only French over the loudspeaker. I understand nie. So tired and hungry. Really want a restaurant meal.

2:50PM GMT+1 - 7 Jan 2011 - Paris, FR

My train arrived late (13:15 when it should have been 12:40) and I had some trouble on the metro (1hr to get where I needed) so A was not home. Thankfully I had suggested 5 as an acceptable later time, so we're meeting then. SO. I get to try my way at french food! Cafe Terminus Nation seems like a fairly nice place (waiters in vests, white shirts and aprons) but this is Paris. On the metro I saw both the best-dressed people I've ever seeen (fur coats, designer hats and purses, and hose mit high heels seems to be the norm for women) and some of the most frightening beggers? peddlers? I don't even know. Also, Paris (or at least this cafe) has the strangest most delicious chocolate thing. Probably ridiculously expensive, but it's like strange chocolate mouse. Served with the tiniest spoon, and I feel fat already. I need an excuse to hang around here longer, since window shopping in the dark isn't very much fun, and I really need a break from my backpack. The break and food is worth 20EUR, right? I don't understand how Parisians survive. They must be horribly in debt (possible), horribly rich (also), or getting some kind of discount I don't see. The city is beautiful, the food is great, but everything costs so MUCH (except the metro. That's even cheaper than Frankfurt.). Also I'm pretty sure this chocolate thing has about 3000kcal. It's so rich and so heavy - it's like eating whipped cream. Except heavier. Dense chocolate whipped cream. It's crazy! Also, NOTE TO SELF: NEXT TIME, SKIP DESSERT IN PARIS. You may be hungry. You may think you want it. YOU DO NOT WANT IT. IT'S TOO MUCH, TOO RICH, TOO SWEET. JUST SAY NO.

16:00

Oh my god. My tummy is so full, and there is STILL MORE. I am drowning in chocolate whip. It is killing me! I understand now a little of why the French take so long to eat. Otherwise, they would EXPLODE. Yeah. Pretty sure I'm going to explode. Eating, in this city, is definitely a group activity. Okay. One more bite down. 55 minutes until I can be back @ A's flat (reminder: 2nd floor means 2 flights of stairs), and let's say 10 min. walk, with the pack and the chocolate. 5 minutes for the check - maybe more, but let's say 5 - so that means 40 minutes more of eating. 37, since I've chatted my way out of a couple. Today I spend EUR1.70 on a metro ticket (12EUR for 10, have to figure out if that's a good deal), and some yet unnamed, but probably something like 25EUR on food. There goes my slack from Frankfurt. Paris is going to kill me, I know. Okay, EUR24 for the meal. I think I could have gotten away for less, but I'm an Okie and tipping well is important. I'm gonna get slaughtered here, I know it.

KMS

13:06 GMT+1 - 09 Jan 2011 - Paris, FR

And I am once again extremely tired and hungry, so although I have delicious tea (too hot), I think I will curl up and nap for a bit. Paris is wonderful and everything, but I think I need a few moments' break.

KMS

8 Chik fil A Nuggets and Medium Fries: $4.85

2010-09-30T02:38:00.003-05:00

It's fake money, so I won't count it. It's also one of the few things that's given me any enjoyment this week. My dad's in the hospital, and honestly I don't know how I feel. I just know that I want to fall asleep and never wake up. My birthday is this week, and I don't want it. Don't want it.

Buying that plane ticket in March or whatnot was a bad idea, since round-trip is only a couple hundred more, but what the hell. I've got a scholarship application due this week. A story (about a woman in a hospital and some shoes. It's lovely.) due tomorrow and an essay I haven't begun due Friday.

I cried last night, bawled my eyes out and screamed like a seven-year-old, but it wasn't enough. I need to cut myself apart, hang the pieces from the ceiling and let the world use my heart as a Jupiter Jump. That's what I feel like, I just need it made real.

This is one of those times I'll look back on and ask how I survived. Badly, Future Me. With cuss words and snappish comments. By constantly inhaling the scent of the dying lilies E sent me, and calling him a dozen times an hour. By avoiding asking how my dad's doing (it's probably better, but I couldn't deal if it were worse). By replaying conversations I've had with people who I thought would understand, and didn't. By telling everyone to ignore my birthday, and I'm pretty sure I'll go off on anybody who says those words to me on Friday.

Because I don't want a fucking birthday.

Mati

Book Sale: -$9.79

2010-09-24T18:19:00.005-05:00

Just spent ~$10 on seventeen books. So worth it. The last couple of crazy months have been a roller coaster ride of decisions and revelations, and I'm kindof looking forward to a weekend of just me, Microsoft Word, and some good books.

What I Bought:

God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

I was supposed to read this for a course last semester and never did. Spending 50¢ on it now seems like a fair penance.

Galápagos by Kurt Vonnegut

Only bought this because I also bought 'God Bless You'. Something odd, though, is that no-where does this one say "Jr.", while the other has it everywhere.

Magister Ludi (The Glass Bead Game) by Hermann Hesse

The English translation of a German novel, by the author of Siddhartha. Um...yes.

The Jade Enchantress by E. Hoffman Price

My sister and father have each read this multiple times, so it seemed like a good choice.

Red Planet by Robert A. Heinlein

Heinlein. 'Nuff said.

The Star Beast by Robert A. Heinlein

See above.

The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving

I loved A Prayer for Owen Meany and this is supposed to be even better. No way I could pass it up.

The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving

Not a typo. I got two copies: one for me, one for my father. It's his favourite John Irving novel, and I thought it might make him happy.

If I Pay Thee Not in Gold by Piers Anthony & Mercedes Lackey

Actually got this one for my sister. I know she's read it about a million times, and I thought getting her a copy would make her happy.

The Worlds of Theodore Sturgeon [Theodore Sturgeon]

It was in the Sci-Fi section, and he sounded familiar. Meh.

The Way of All Flesh by Samuel Butler

A classic novel I haven't read. Something to add to my collection, mostly.

My Cousin Rachel by Daphne du Maurier

Rebecca is on my Top Five Favourite Books Ever list, and I've never read anything else by du Maurier. Couldn't pass it up.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

I've read it before, but I didn't own a copy. Now I do.

All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque

It's been on my MUST READ CLASSICS list for a while now.

Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham

No good reason. It sounded familiar.

A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

I lost my copy a week or so ago. I might still find it, but what the hell, it was fifty cents and I love this book.

In Deutschland von Alexis Pfeiler

It's a German book on German culture - in German (with an English dictionary in the back). Obv. must have.

I'm actually pretty damn excited about going back. On Sunday they're having a "Bag Sale" from 1PM to 3PM, where it's $1 per bag of books, so I'm definitely going to that. Life is going good.

Tschüs,

Mati

Scott Pilgrim Tickets: -$19

2010-08-13T04:00:00.003-05:00

But my bank account balance is in the thousands, so I really can't find myself missing it. Even if I also spent $51.30 on clothes today at Salvation Army. Bought a gorgeous red dress, and the girls and I all wore pretty red dresses to Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It was a good movie, and I had a great time.

I go back to college in four(ish) days. I really can't wait. I really should finish German, oughtn't I?

GER 113 Course: -$904

2010-07-16T13:25:00.002-05:00

Kool-Aid Man says "O-O-OH YEAH!"

That's sarcastic, if you couldn't tell. I'm writing this at 13:30 on a Friday afternoon. I've got five minutes before I've got to go pull my clothes out of the dryer, fold them, and bring them back here. I have to leave for an eight-hour shift (no breaks) at 14:45, and before then not only do I need to finish my laundry, but also study for my German course (which I'm a week behind in), maybe clean my room (like that's going to happen), possibly take a shower (I need it, but I probably need to study more), and "BREATHE, woman!".

It's probably unhealthy to be looking forward to the end of things quite so much, (Ah, there goes my watch alarm.) but I've found that I am. Only four more weeks before I can quit both my jobs and move back to school. When I'm at work, I'm constantly checking my watch for quitting time. When I'm at school, I know I'll just be counting down the days 'til I leave this place.

BUT there's always a ray of light, and E. is that and more. Last night we went to Trivia Night at a pizza joint downtown with a coworker of his, and I had a fabulous blast. On the way down I put on Lily Allen and he said he liked her, and we laughed and kissed and talked the whole way back. God, I'm going to miss him when I leave.

Until again,

Mati

Timex Watch: -$38.06

2010-07-06T15:08:00.003-05:00

So I'm working two jobs now, which...um...blows. Pizza Hut and Walmart, which means I'm spending 45+ hrs/wk on my feet. Yeah, they're not very happy about that, but it's money in the bank. (Ish.)

Haven't gotten my first paycheck yet (Thursday) but this watch was worth it. My list of things bought specifically for my trip is now:

Backpack: $126

Boots: $25

Watch: $38

Also, when I get paid on Thursday I'm going to buy my Global Eurail Pass (15 days within 2 months), as that's the last day of the $25 off sale at Raileurope.com, and I'll be able to get it for $654 instead of $679. That's like a discount, right?

Also, my passport arrived! The photo is absolutely horrible, but at least it's sortof recognizable as me, which is, I'm fairly certain, all that matters.

And I got my braces off, and, as the photo on the right demonstrates, I'm pretty excited about it. Or maybe that's the passport. Whatever. I look excited about something, and it's certainly not the quantity of hours I've been working, or my German course.

Yeah. That. It's not going too badly, that's not it. My problem is with the utter ineptitude of my professor. He has yet to email a test on time, and although we had traded half-a-dozen emails just a few days previous, when I returned a call from him (yes, I was RETURNING a phone call), he didn't recognise my name as being one of his students. Also, the book (co-written by him) is pretty damn terrible. So despite the course not being terribly hard, I'm rather unenthused with it.

But in general life is going well. The 4th of July proved just enough eventful for me to say it was a success, and I haven't gone crazy yet.

Until again,

Mati

Eagle Creek Thrive 75L Women's Travel Pack: -$125.92

2010-06-11T18:05:00.000-05:00

So I'm officially backpacking across Europe. Bought a $230 backpack on REI closeout for $126, and $150 KEEN Bern High Boots on GearTrade for $25. Okay, so I've spent $150 in the last week, but it feels pretty darn good anyhow.

Also I've got a tentative itinerary. Which is cool.

[JANUARY]
Nuremberg, DE >> Frankfurt, DE >> Trier, DE >> Paris, FR >> Toulouse, FR >> Barcelona, ES >> Toulon, FR >> Corniglia, IT >> Rome, IT >> Capri, IT >> Athens, GR >> Volos, GR >>Thessaloniki, GR >>

[FEBRUARY]
Sofia, BG >> Pristina, KO >> Mostar, BA >> Korcula, HR >> Ljubljana, SI >> Bled, SI >>Graz, AT >> Vienna, AT >> Tabor, CZ >> Prague, CZ >> Pilsen, CZ >> Amberg, DE >>Bayreuth, DE >> Bamberg, DE

My dorm lease begins 1 March, and my introductory course starts the 16th or so, which gives me about two weeks to learn how to get around Bamberg. Yay!

Oh, also: my German II course begins in ten days. That'll be fun.

Until again,

Mati

Procion MX Dye: -$113

2010-05-29T23:03:00.004-05:00

The last three weeks have been hell. There's not a whole lot worse than not having money - especially when it feels like you've filled out every job application under the sun. So last week I finally gave in to my dad's suggestion that making tie-dyes (something he did moderately successfully for ten years) would be a good way to earn some money, although perhaps not the five thousand dollars I'm aiming for.

Well, so far I've got $220 in my Trip Fund (only about a hundred of which is from tie-dyes; the rest was odd jobs that I did for cash). Until today, I wasn't very optimistic about making money at this -- but my sister and I are collaborating on this, splitting the profits 50/50, and I put $63 in my pocket today. Yeah, that felt good.

The picture is me, just after making a small batch of dyes, with blue, green and purple all over my hands.

Yay money! (even if it's not a whole lot).

Until again,

Mati

Selling Back Textbooks: +$55.48

2010-05-04T23:41:00.000-05:00

The end of the semester is coming up fast, and my room is trashed. The boyfriend will be here tomorrow evening to help me pack and to move this junk home, and although I've calmed down drastically since my weekend freakout, I still have a pile to do before I can say Sayonara to my first year of college. Still the top priority is my History Final - approx. 15 to 20 pages, and I've got maybe three written. Still, that's not too bad, and I'm optimistic about getting it finished on time. Of course, with him being here tomorrow, and packing and moving scheduled...I really hope I'll have time to get it all done.

Also to do: a 2-3 page paper on the power of language in different cultures, also due Thursday (at the latest), and...actually, just packing and moving. YAY!

I had my British Literature final today, and it was much more difficult than I expected. At least it is done now, though, so I'm not going to worry about it. In other news, I pulled a muscle (or something) when I was packing my car up during the wee hours of Monday morning, and now I have a shooting pain in my side whenever I move in certain ways. I've got a hot water bottle on it, though, and I hope it'll heal soon.

Now I just need to figure out if I'm going to head to bed or stay up and attempt another page of American History.

Until again,

Mati

Filling My Gas Tank: -$30

2010-05-03T23:17:00.000-05:00

So, I drove home today. In the wee hours, actually, and got to spend a few hours with the boyfriend (it had been three weeks since we'd seen each other) before collapsing asleep at 07:30. I got my first load of schtuff moved, at least, and have come to the realisation that I brought way too much crap to college (nine months late). Anyway, my closets are pretty much empty now, and a lot of my clothes and approximately half my books went home. Still to move: a chest of drawers, my (extra large) mini fridge, a half-size ironing board, a lamp, a laundry basket full of socks, a two-drawer filing cabinet (with wheels!), bedding, a box of paper and notebooks...and assorted other carp.

Anyway, said fantastic boyfriend is popping down later this week with a Chevy Suburban, a sight different than my own little Toyota Tercel (about the size of two of my fridges), and we're going to move out nearly all the rest of it.

Anyway, I've got my first final tomorrow - British Lit, and although I'm mostly not worried about it, I also have my History paper to be writing, and that's not going well at all. I've got 1 1/2 pages, of the twenty or so I need. Really, I should be working on it now, should be spending every minute focused on this craziness, because without a good grade I will screw up my GPA forever, but so far I've had trouble kicking myself in the butt to do this. ARGH. Finals week is death.

Until again,

Mati

Gas for a Round Trip: -$30

2010-04-27T02:41:00.000-05:00

Ich habe viel zu viel zu tun.

They shouldn't have us getting ready to move the same weeks we study for our finals, write absurdly long papers, say goodbye to our newest, dearest friends, plan our budgets for the summer, die a little on the inside...

I now have four boxes (three plastic, one cardboard), a suitcase and a filing cabinet waiting by the door. I have five nicely-labeled pink breast cancer awareness trash bags: two 'Goodwill', two 'Dry Clean', one filled with an assortment of junk food for the starving artist boyfriend (cherry suckers, marshmallow Easter eggs, popcorn, Cheerios, Thin Mint cookies).

I did fairly well on my German quiz this morning, and have been up most of the night perfecting a script for my oral interview Wednesday. It all seems perfectly productive.

The pressure is being shown in subtle and obvious ways, though. That I stayed up until five in the morning yesterday reading fanfiction, and spent two hours this evening talking, unprompted, to my friends about my childhood. That my bed hasn't had sheets on it for two weeks, despite my having sheets - even clean ones, though that's only since yesterday. That when I did laundry yesterday it was four loads, stuffed full, and I waited for everyone to get out of the hallway before I took it down to the laundry room, because I didn't want them to know the extent of my filth. That my refrigerator door won't open all the way, because of the piles of papers and notebooks 'To be Sorted' that were dumped on the floor in order to empty those three plastic boxes. That I'm no longer wearing socks with my shoes, since I can't be bothered to wake up with enough time to pull a matching pair out of the drawer. That I haven't really been brushing my teeth, and especially not wearing my rubber bands like I'm supposed to, and although I have an orthodontist appointment next week and I want to get these braces off this June, on schedule, I can't bring myself to care.

My history final is due next Thursday, a tennish (What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? 'Tennish'.) page paper on the changes in United States foreign policy between 1898 and present day, and I haven't even begun. I had to miss class last Thursday for the banquet, and haven't even listened to my recording of the lecture.

I still need to revise my Burkina Faso presentation script, due Wednesday.

I have to produce some farce of a research conclusion by Friday at five.

Annnd figure out if I'm driving four hours to see the boyfriend this weekend. I'd really love to, but I know we both have things to do. Then again, I haven't seen him for the past two weekends, and I'm beginning to pine. I know we're helping each other move out, and that's something, but at the same time I wish I could be with him now, not in another two weeks.

Eugh. And I only got three(?) hours of sleep last night, and won't be getting six tonight, and I've got classes all day and cheese to buy and things to pack and candy to avoid eating, and I know why they call it dead week.

Until again,

Mati

Consignment Shop Dress: -$3.25

2010-04-23T23:47:00.000-05:00

Here are the study abroad scholarship recipients with the college president:

(I'm the ghostly one on the far right.)

These last few days have been amazing. I went shopping last week, bought a new dress, a skirt, and two pairs of shoes for something around $10, maybe a bit more. It was pretty wonderful. Then yesterday I went to the [mandatory] banquet for my study abroad scholarship, which, since it was out of town, lasted from approx. 4PM to 10PM. Today - or rather, tonight - was the big banquet where everyone from the Arts & Sciences College who received some prestigious award was recognized. The food, both nights, was fantastic. I enjoyed yesterday's more, of course, because there were only twelve of us scholars, and although we were all strangers to one-another, we had a lot in common. Also, the dinner was at an upscale restaurant, rather than catered, and thus a nicer experience.

On a less optimistic note, I spoke - for an hour - with the customer service folks from vayama.com and United Airlines. I realize that I made a mistake, but for a fucking hour I had to listen to "Sorry. Nothing we can do. It's the rules." There's not much I hate/fear more than being powerless, and when everyone around is telling me it's my own fault I'm in this position... It's a really bad feeling, is all.

I can't schedule my return flight until August/September anyway, though, and I was looking at round-trip flights on studentuniverse.com, some of which (from here to Frankfurt) were as cheap as $785. So I figure when I can buy my ticket, I'll spend a few days trying to find the absolute best fares, both one-way and return, and decide that way.

UPDATE: Just checked studentuniverse.com, and a one-way back from Frankfurt (in March) would only be $542! I can't believe I'd never discovered this website before, but that's even cheaper than what I originally expected to spend, so if I can find a similar deal for August, I'd be all set. Whoo... Pressure relieved. Ohmygod that's wonderful.

Until again,

Mati

Dinner with Friends: $17

2010-04-15T21:19:00.000-05:00

Fake money is a wonderful thing. You swipe your card, they give you food, and there's still a balance of hundreds of dollars on your receipt. Om nom nom.

Yes, life is wonderful again. I've actually gotten some sleep, although I did turn in a paper a day late for the first time EVER yesterday. [UPDATE: I got a 100% on this paper! I don't know how it's possible, but it happened!] Still, it was a compromise I made with the world, and it all worked out. I've got a 78% average in my History class, which is absolutely terrible, and screwed up my Tuesday beyond recognition, but I'm optimistic about pulling it up. Just...do better next time, is all. Actually, from what I know of my courses, my final grades will probably be:

Linguistics: A
Composition: A
German: A
British Lit.: A (probably) [I only need a 76% on the final now. My A is practically assured.]
History: B (possibly A, by some stroke of luck)

Some days it totally tears me apart, but in general I'm optimistic. Yay Life!

In other (very bad) news, I found out that buying a one-way ticket for $642 was NOT the brilliant idea I thought it was. A separate flight from Germany to the U.S. comes to about $3000-$5000, and since I'll be coming back in August, it'll probably be on the higher end of that. I've sent in a refund request to United Airlines, and hopefully they'll be willing to put the cost of that ticket toward a round-trip flight ($1500-$2000) instead.

Otherwise, I've got a year to pitch a bitch and get them to do it my way. No fucking way am I spending $4000 on a flight. No fucking way.

Until Again,
Mati

Midnight Snacks: $14

2010-04-13T02:19:00.000-05:00

It's all fake college meal money, but bloody hell. Chocolate and cheese and Jones soda and a cherry chocolate ice cream bar and Twizzlers and I don't even really want any of it. I just don't want to write this bloody essay.

Six pages to do in six hours, and I've got maybe half a page down. I know procrastination is a fault of mine -- a big one, that'll kick me in the teeth if I don't learn some time management skills -- but so far I've always been able to handle it. And if it gets to be too much, like this past week, I just sortof...give up. Say "screw it" and "why do I bother with things that don't interest me?" and...run away. Sleep, or drive, or whatever. Usually sleep; I don't get enough of it.

I wish I had a Pause button for life. I wish I could clear my head, sometimes, just take a day off. I'm listening to classical music and typing along to the tune, and I wish, maybe, I played an instrument. Perhaps it would be a stress relief. I'm too focused on filling my days, on always having something to do, and always succeeding at everything I put my mind to, and fulfilling every obligation and filling my time with obligation after obligation...

I need a break, but I won't give myself one. Except...I do. This weekend is a fantastic example. I smiled, and laughed, and didn't even think of school at all. I didn't worry about it; I just had a good time. And I had a wonderful time.

Maybe then, the solution isn't to take big breaks, or to have designated Study Times, but to find a happy medium - the Middle Path. But for now, I need to write this bloody paper. I need to do it well, to vault the bar I've set for myself, and to prove that I've still got it. Morgens, morgens I'll come up with a better system.

Until again,
Mati

Romantic Weekend: -$100

2010-04-11T15:40:00.000-05:00

At least, I think that's right.
$ 20 - two tickets to How to Train Your Dragon
$ 35 + dinner (most bloody delicious pizza ever) + gratuity
$ 38 - gas
$ 93 - which is pretty much $100, if you're rounding.

And it was absolutely worth it. Feel like I just got over a honeymoon, and we've been together a year. Bloody hell, this is fantastic.

Of course, now I have a fridge full of leftover pizza and a room to be cleaned and a weekend's worth of homework to do. He's home by now, drove for hours each way, and I haven't done anything. Eeurgh, I need to be productive.

Until again,
(A very happy) Mati

Extra Ticket to Awards Banquet: $25

2010-04-09T04:28:00.000-05:00

Probably not going to buy one, but that also drives me crazy. I dunno, he and I are good (fought about my lack of time management skills earlier this week), but it seems like I should want to have him there with me when I'm acknowledged for a pretty big freaking thing.

And I don't know what he's going to wear to the formal tomorrow (tonight). Seventeen hours from now. He owns a tux, but could also go for a dress shirt and tie. Frankly, I'd prefer the tux, if only because I'm going to a lot of work for this, and some nice pictures would be nice. I don't want to press the issue, though. He'd still look nice, and he owns a tie that would match my dress. Wanting to match me is pretty sweet, I think.

...I already requested "our song" to be played. It's Autobahn by Anberlin, not really a dance song, but I'd like to see the look on his face when it comes on. ...Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this, scrubbing my body 'til it squeaks, painting my nails. Maybe I need to get some sleep, I've got a big day ahead, but oh...

He's going to have to leave Saturday night or early Sunday morning, to stay caught up on his work, but that's not enough time. It's never enough time, but it's what we have. And school will be out soon, we'll be in the same town - just both working as many hours as we can to save up money. It's bothersome and distressing, this long-distance thing. I want to live with him, to wake up every morning, kiss him with morning breath and have him hold me when I fall asleep at night. It's the simple wish for comfort and consistency, but it's not really possible right now.

Europe will make that worse - seven months with nothing but the internet and post - but we'll make it. Sometimes it really is as simple as two people wanting to be together. Oh God, I hope he'll continue to want to be with me.

We started this thing - I started this thing saying "no expectations." And...I want him to show up in a tuxedo, flowers in hand, and dance me off into the sunset on a night fifteen degrees warmer than tomorrow will be. And I want that, but worst of all I want him to be that, not to simply emulate it. And so I'm not saying what I want, and still hoping that he'll come through, and...I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for a fall, and him for confusion and anger.

Scholarship: +$5000

2010-04-09T02:19:00.000-05:00

Actually signed the official paperwork to get the money Wednesday afternoon. Get to go to a fancy banquet 22 April - free food, free drink, free [intellegent] company. Pretty brill, to steal a friend's phrase.

I've mostly managed to survive this week. Tomorrow (today) is the formal, which means I should probably be getting my beauty sleep, instead of sending late assignments in at three A.M., but that's what you do when you're taking seventeen hours and working fifteen per week and have no time-management skills to speak of: not sleep.

Actually, just checked my schedule (this lovely new invention bought out of necessity) and I've actually got the banquet the day before my awards ceremony for the same award, so I think I'm getting two free (nice) dinners in a row. Not bad for a college student.

Until again,
Mati

Fruit and Chocolate: $23

2010-04-07T04:58:00.000-05:00

No plus or minus on that one, 'cause it wasn't my money that I spent. Food is one of those things that most parents are willing to shell out some cash for -- even if you're not the one eating the food.

Bought the fruit (strawberries, grapes, pears, tangerines, apples) and chocolate (Belgian, dark, delicious, Hägeland brand in case you're wondering) to take to class for my required "take a snack for class" day - an expenditure totally worth it, to have a guaranteed free snack every Tuesday/Thursday afternoon. If I decide to go through the fuss of graduate school and getting my doctorate so I can teach at a university, I will absolutely insist that everyone signs up to bring a snack to class. It makes two days out of my week 110% better.

Which I need, these days. I've gotten maybe ten hours of sleep in the last sixty I've been awake, and it's 5AM now, so it doesn't look like I'll be getting any catnaps before my day "begins".

Today is:
09:30 German vocabulary quiz, which I haven't studied for in the slightest.
11:00 Work (until 15:00, at least).
16:00 Scholarship meeting.
18:45 My linguistics class. Our final is a presentation, rather than a test, and the rough draft of our script is due then. Twelve hours ago, I hadn't even begun it. Now I'm three-quarters or so complete, but so far past burned out that I'm aching for a drink, just to ease the tension.

...Does anyone else start to feel nauseous after they've been up for twenty hours straight?

Postcard Postage: 28¢

2010-04-04T02:40:00.000-05:00

Long-distance relationships are bloody difficult. If you've never had the misfortune of being separated from your beloved, I don't recommend entering into such a situation lightly. My significant other and I were high-schoolers when we started dating last Spring Break (a year and two weeks ago). We already had our colleges picked out, knew we couldn't be together but there's nothing wrong with a summer fling. Oh...but there's even less wrong with being in love. There's nothing quite like falling for the first time.

We talk every day, usually for at least a half hour, and send texts back and forth every so often. I send him letters and postcards -- he's not much of a writer, but it makes it even sweeter when he does send something.

Unfortunately, I've been so excited about heading off to Europe that I hadn't realised what it means to him. Currently, we live four hours apart, and spend about every other weekend together. While I'm in France/Italy/Germany/Greece/Czech Republic/Belgium/Switzerland/Austria/etc. we won't see each other at all. Seven months. I'll probably be having the time of my life, but I won't be able to share it with him.

We'll still talk, probably send lots of emails, and Skype will let us see each others' faces, but for seven months we won't be able to hug, kiss, touch, hold hands, lean on each other, go out for ice cream, stay in and eat pizza, cuddle on the couch...any of those things that are rare enough already. Bloody hell. I hope I know what I'm doing.

Until again,
Mati

Dinner with Friends: -$17

2010-04-03T20:08:00.000-05:00

(Subtitled "The Boring, the Glamorous, and the Demotivational".)
First, the Boring:
Next week I have to pop by my foreign language adviser's office for a great hullaballo of a meeting where I fill out paperwork and figure out how to receive my scholarship. Blecch. ...Then again, five thousand dollars. So really quite exciting.

The Glamorous:
I cut off all my hair a few days ago, and today I get a call from the salon. Apparently they do some sort of Makover section in the local magazine, and they want to highlight what I've got left, doll up my face, and take photos. I managed to schedule the madness for next Friday, the day of my formal. Professionally done up for a semi-formal? I'm looking forward to it.

The Demotivational:
It's difficult, setting Europe up against Everyday Life. Frankly, I know the former to be the more difficult, but the added excitement and the building anticipation make a stress overdose less likely. And next week Everyday Life's going to kick me in the face, hold me under until I drown, unless I can get my act together. I need to start getting my work done, but bloody hell it's difficult to act sensible and clear-headed when you're feeling flighty and impulsive.

Until again,
Mati

German II: -$1003

2010-04-02T01:30:00.000-05:00

Although my scholarships cover most classes taken, I need to get another German behind me before I stumble into the unknown, and thus will be taking it online from Oregon State University. $978 is the cost of the four-credit course, according to their handy-dandy tuition+fees chart, plus the $25 application fee.

$978
+ $25
$1003

Bloody hell. I've spent 2/5 of my scholarship already, and aside from NOT HAVING RECEIVED THE MONEY YET, I'm not even leaving for ten months.

I hope I can find someone's couch to kip on.

Until again,
Mati

Hair Style: -$45

2010-04-02T01:07:00.000-05:00

Not sure this is a travel expense, but it bloody well feels like it. I don't think I could have left, if I hadn't chopped off eighteen inches. I feel more free, more me. And I love it. As one of my friends said, "Now you look like you could travel through Europe."

My focus on leaving is becoming a bit much, I know, for those around me, though. I'm already in a long-distance relationship (four hours apart), and I came to the realisation tonight that I've been rubbing my leaving in his face. "I'm so excited," I've been saying. "I can't wait to leave you alone for seven months." Certainly that isn't what I meant, but I'm going to have to find a way to make up my insensitivity of the last few days (and beyond, I'm sure).

There are a million things to juggle in planning this trip. There are:

finances
logistics
desires
relationships
current responsibilities
...und so weiter...

"Current responsibilities" is the one hitting me hardest these days, I think. Being a college student is what provided the opportunity to visit Europe in the first place, but it also means bouts of absolute insanity and the necessity of juggling what's happening next year with what's happening next week. ...Which is a lot.

Until again,

Mati

Plane Ticket: -$642

2010-04-01T09:13:00.000-05:00

I bought a one-way ticket to Germany last night. Only six-hundred forty-two dollars, so at least I got a good deal. It means I'm leaving 3 January, though, and my classes don't begin until late February/early March. I'll be living on my own in Europe for two months, is what it means.
My school is paid for, mostly. I've got about eight-thousand dollars in scholarships, anyway, so I think it's paid for. On top of that is a five-thousand dollar study abroad allotment, and my savings (up to another 5k). Ten thousand dollars for two months in Europe really isn't very much, though. And even what I've spent so far

Study Abroad Application Fee: -$250
Plane Ticket for First Leg: -$642
Passport Fee: -$100
Total Spent to Date: -$992

is as well as a thousand dollars. I have a year to find accomodations, plan an itinerary, et cetera, though, so hopefully I'll be able to find someone to kip with, or at least some cheap youth hostels, and determine whether going to the Louvre is worth visiting France. So I'm going crazy, but I'm having fun.

Until again,
Mati